Women vs Men

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yes = No.

No = Yes.

Maybe = Hell no.

We need = I want.

I'm sorry = You'll be sorry.

We need to talk = I need to complain.

Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to.

Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.

I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

Are you listening to me?? = Too late, you're dead.

You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.

Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.

You're so .... manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.

It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.

How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really not going to like.

MEN'S ENGLISH:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm hungry = I'm hungry.

I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy.

I'm tired = I'm tired.

Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

I love you = Let's have sex now.

What's wrong? = I guess sex is out of the question.

May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.

Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.

Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.

Can I take you out to dinner? = I'll take you to a nice restaurant and then I'd like to have sex with you.

Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.

You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with you within the next ten minutes.

Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and then I'd like to have sex with you.

I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay